| Chapter 1: | A Meeting Observed |
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However, the newcomer’s questions appeared to be in breach of some unspoken ‘rules’ of AA as evidenced by the lack of response from the other participants. Responding to requests for advice and answering questions directly are normal in ordinary conversation, but this is clearly not the case for an AA meeting.
In discussion after the newcomer had left, the chair said he felt that the newcomer seemed to want information about alcoholism rather than to want to share so the meeting format was inappropriate. Lynn, who completely agreed that the meeting should have been closed early, felt that the newcomer was ‘still fighting’ and still believed that, equipped with the right information and advice, she could conquer her alcoholism. She was displaying self-sufficiency; in other words, she had not ‘surrendered’, had not ‘hit bottom’. Lynn further remarked that she suspected the newcomer had been drinking before the meeting and much of her interaction was due to ‘self-pity’ and ‘attention seeking’. ‘She is suffering but she has not suffered enough’, she concluded, ‘she needs to hit bottom’.
Though the newcomer was clearly taken very seriously by those present, there was no attempt to ‘recruit’ her, the assumption being that she would return if she were ready. This reluctance is typical of AA for a number of reasons. Firstly, the essence of Step 1 is that members admit their own alcoholism. It cannot be done by someone else, not even a doctor in this case. This is made explicit by such phrases as ‘only you can decide if you are an alcoholic’ and ‘you must do this for yourself, not for other people’. Secondly, a determined attempt to recruit a new member would be a display of ‘self will’, almost an attempt to hijack someone else’s life, whereas in AA the practice is to take care of one’s own sobriety (and life) and to not presume one can direct the course of someone else’s. Thirdly, it would be seen as contrary to the spirit of Tradition 11, which states that AA’s public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion. This tradition was developed as a way of safeguarding the other two positions previously indicated.