| Chapter 1: | A Meeting Observed |
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After the reading, the chairperson, Stan, introduced himself as an alcoholic and acknowledged the presence of a newcomer, and spoke in the style typical of AA meetings. He spoke at length and without interruption about himself and of his own experience of drinking and early recovery, particularly in relation to resentments and developing relationships. He used a number of expressions, such as ‘a day at a time’, ‘hitting bottom’, and ‘once an alcoholic always an alcoholic’, which echo AA literature and are typical of AA sharing. He addressed his remarks to all present, frequently looking out into a point in the mid-distance; however, the focus on his experience of early recovery led me to surmise that his remarks may well have been shaped for the newcomer. After he had finished, another member, Ted, also spoke uninterruptedly, addressing his remarks more directly to the newcomer.
After Ted had finished, the newcomer, without the usual self-introduction of ‘I am so and so and am an alcoholic’, asked about religion and spirituality, saying she knew AA people said it was not a religious programme but a spiritual one, but she had not much idea of either. Her talk was marked by questions, frequent pauses, and eye contact, indicating that she wanted a direct response. After about three pauses—possible invitations for someone to respond to her questions, which were not initially taken up—Ted responded lightly about how religion was full of rules but in AA there were none. He took up an explanatory tone, prefacing much of what he said with ‘you see’ and ‘you know’, but tried to avoid giving the impression that he was giving advice to the newcomer by explaining things with humour and self-deprecating comments, for example, ‘no one will know how insane I am unless I pick up a drink’.
At this point she asked, ‘Should I get a sponsor?’ The chair responded by sharing about his own experience in finding a sponsor and the importance of that relationship to his recovery, but did not respond directly to the question, avoiding giving advice by using the conventional AA expedient of making a little explanatory parable out of personal experience.
The newcomer came in again briefly, stating that she only had been to two other meetings and had not ‘shared’ before; rather, she had sat at the back. She said she was pleased that this was a small meeting where she felt comfortable. Again, her eye contact and pauses indicated a desire for others to respond, which did not happen.