| Chapter 1: | Life |
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meaning to a sterile existence. Shortly after his conversion, in the early 1880s, he wrote about his revelation:
I call revelation that which opens out to us, when reason has reached its utmost limits, the contemplation of what is divine, that is, of truth that is superior to our reason. I call revelation that which gives an answer to the question, insoluble by reason, which brought me to despair and almost to suicide—the question: What meaning has my life? That answer must be intelligible and must not contradict the laws of reason as would, for example, the assertion that an infinite number is odd or even. It must not contradict reason for I shall not believe an answer that does so, and it must be intelligible and not arbitrarily assumed but inevitable to one's reason as, for instance, a recognition of infinity is to any man who is able to count. The answer must reply to the question: What meaning has my life? A reply that does not answer that question is useless to me. The answer must be such that, though its essence is incomprehensible in itself (as is the essence of God), all the deductions derived from its consequences should correspond to every demand of reason, and the meaning it ascribes to my life should solve all my questions as to how to live. The answer must be, not merely reasonable and clear, but also true, that is, such as I can believe in with my whole soul inevitably, as I believe in the existence of infinity. 52
Tolstoy never makes clear the precise relationship between reason and the revealed truth. He claims here that the revealed truth is compatible with reason; indeed, once revealed, reason acknowledges it as inevitable. The assertions of true faith cannot be proved but never do they contain anything contrary to reason or incompatible with human knowledge. The absolute truth was thus obvious to his reason but he remained powerless to convince others by rational argument of the truth of his revelation.
Death, death, death awaits you every second. Your life is accomplished with death in view. If you work personally for yourself in the future, you know yourself that in the future there is but one thing for