| Chapter 1: | Operationalizing Fidelity |
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reasons, and justifications for engaging in extradyadic relations (Atwater 1979, 1982). Further, the double standard of sexual behavior seems to be eroding; women and men are becoming more similar in their willingness to experiment with extramarital sex and are doing so earlier, more often, and with more partners than before (Hatfield and Rapson 2005, 148).
Gender is important in terms of determining rates of monogamy, nonmonogamy, and polyamory. For example, women have traditionally wanted monogamy, whereas men have often resisted exclusivity. However, contemporary relationships involve a number of men who want monogamy and behave accordingly, and some women are resisting monogamy both overtly and covertly (Hatfield and Rapson 2005). In terms of nonmonogamy, heterosexual men have remained the primary benefactors in swinging circles, whereas heterosexual women are often restricted in their enjoyment of multiple sexual partners (Varni 1972). The agreements and rules of nonmonogamy have, for many individuals, remained gendered. Further, the rates of men and women engaged in polyamory vary, as do their agreements and rules about multiple partners.
Sexual orientation is also central in approaching intimate relationships. Because same-sex marriage is not yet federally legal in the United States,4 many gays, lesbians, and bisexuals have been legally prevented from engaging in the master marriage template. An intentional framing of the gay and lesbian movement to include same-sex marriage rights attempts to change this (Chambers 2001). However, gay men, lesbians, and bisexuals have a complicated history of monogamy that fluctuated throughout the 1960s and 1970s in terms of the gay and lesbian movement and the lesbian separatist movement, as well as in response to the AIDS crisis in the 1980s (Peplau and Fingerhut 2007).
Patterns of nonmonogamy vary with sexual orientation. Heterosexuals are more likely to report engaging in swinging and partner swapping, and gay men have the highest rates of sexual nonmonogamy and open-relationship arrangements (Blumstein and Schwartz 1983;