| Chapter 1: | Operationalizing Fidelity |
whether those individuals were in nonconsensual or explicitly nonmonogamous relationships.
In contrast, Blumstein and Schwartz (1983) differentiated between situations with or without an “understanding” in order to measure nonmonogamous behavior. Their data indicate that roughly 19% of heterosexual men and 14% of heterosexual women have engaged in secretive nonmonogamous behavior, compared to 60% of heterosexual men and 54% of heterosexual women who have engaged in consensual or explicitly nonmonogamous behavior. Further, 43% of gay men have engaged in secretive nonmonogamy, whereas 84% have engaged in explicit nonmonogamy. Only 10% of lesbians have been secretively nonmonogamous, and 25% have been explicitly nonmonogamous. Consent is therefore a key factor in defining nonmonogamy and measuring sexual behavior, as are both sexual orientation and gender.
Consent is also important because it determines whether extradyadic sexual behavior is considered cheating or is explicitly allowed (Reiss et al. 1980). Notably, attitudes suggest that individuals are more likely to tolerate cheating than consensual nonmonogamy (Ramey 1972; Blumstein and Schwartz 1983; Reibstein and Richards 1992). Moreover, giving or receiving consent to engage in sexual activities with other partners is rather difficult to measure and may range from full consent to a sort of semiconsensual “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy (Reiss et al. 1980). For example, Kinsey et al. (1948, 1953) found that of those men and women having secretive extramarital sex, roughly half thought their partners knew about it.
On the one hand, this book relies on normative definitions of love, sex, cheating, and monogamy to situate fidelity in contemporary relationships. On the other, it attempts to reconceptualize monogamy, in particular, through the experiences of those who adhere to, practice, deconstruct, and subvert it behaviorally and ideologically. Further, fidelity’s traditional definition as “sexual faithfulness to a spouse” is less salient than consideration of it either as “the quality of being committed, loyal,