| Chapter 1: | Operationalizing Fidelity |
(Overall 1998; Mint 2004a; Strassberg 2003; Barker 2005; Cook 2005), power dynamics in polyamory (Sheff 2005), and the phenomenology of polyamory (Keener 2004). Polyamory has remained on the periphery of research, according to some because it (like other forms of nonmonogamy) “threatens the cultural image of what marriage is supposed to be” (Rubin 2001, 724).
Considerable effort has been made to draw distinctions between polyamory and other types of nonmonogamy (Klesse 2006). Though there is a more obvious separation between secretive extradyadic relations (like cheating) and polyamory, distancing polyamory from other types of consensual nonmonogamy seems a less obvious move. After all, polyamory is a form of nonmonogamy. However, polyamory is often described as advocating an ethically overt, honest approach to engaging with multiple emotional (and often sexual) partners, whereas swinging, for example, is characterized as recreational sex that clearly discourages emotional connections (Cook 2005; Jenks 1998; Shannon and Willis 2010). Thus, a primary distinction once again involves a demarcation between sex and love. Polyamorists actively uphold their ability, capability, and desire to engage with multiple emotional partners instead of simply with recreational or casual sexual partners. However, that polyamorists place such emphasis on multiple emotional partners underscores the value placed on love relations.
Another difference involves an ideology that emphasizes the open, honest, communicative premise of polyamory, as opposed to the “don’t ask, don’t tell” and “partial disclosure” agreements that sometimes characterize swinging and open relationships. Polyamorists also attempt to consciously resist mononormative language in relationship practice and perception. For example, jealousy is replaced with what is called compersion, which is essentially taking pleasure at seeing one’s partner enjoying him- or herself with another lover (Cook 2005; Ferrer 2008). Other phrases, like total honesty and new relationship energy, and nondyadic