| Chapter 1: | Operationalizing Fidelity |
language, such as triads, truples, and quads are all common within polyamorous circles.
Both polyamorists and nonmonogamists are essentially sexual minorities with subcultural identities that display similar behavioral, ideological, and presentational characteristics (e.g., multiple partners, intentionally structured relationships). In fact, it is difficult for mainstream culture to discern the differences between polyamory and other forms of nonmonogamy. Mint (2004b) used Judith Halberstam’s (1998) phrase border war to conceptualize this tension, suggesting the ineffectiveness of establishing opposition between already marginalized groups. Mint suggested that this border war hinders polyamorists from being allies with other nonmonogamists and presents difficulties for individuals caught between groups (see also Pallotta-Chiarolli and Lubowitz 2003).
Although there are behavioral and ideological differences between polyamorists and other nonmonogamists, there are also overarching similarities. Compulsory monogamy remains problematic for both groups (Emens 2004; Mint 2004b), and both types of relationships are often structured using agreements, rules, and boundaries (Matik 2002; Ravenscroft 2004). Further, communities are integral in fostering support as well as access to and involvement in polyamory and other forms of nonmonogamy (Sheff 2011). In addition, polyamorists negotiate multiple partners by “maintaining the primary bond” in some capacity, often reserving certain activities and behaviors for certain partners (Cook 2005). Both nonmonogamous and polyamorous interviewees in this study used the concept of feeling special or maintaining the primary bond, a concept that essentially operates as fidelity within their relationships.
Moreover, polyamory—much like swinging and open relationships—functions with some sort of structure (Varni 1972; Ramey 1975; Knapp 1976; Blumstein and Schwartz 1983; Labriola 1999; Munson and Stelboum 1999; Ringer 2001). Individuals make decisions based on consent and usually agree, whether verbally or implicitly, upon some set of rules