| Chapter 1: | Operationalizing Fidelity |
and small that the marriage still does command their paramount loyalty. Willingness to forgo an attractive swinging opportunity because the spouse or lover is uninterested or opposed is one example of such a demonstration.
(Brecher 1969, 291)
Individuals ultimately rely on rules of some sort to guide and sustain their relationships (Rusbult et al. 2002). Whereas the rules of monogamy are normed through institutions like marriage, the rules of nonmonogamy do not have similar roots in culture and organization. However, nonmonogamists and polyamorists actively establish rules and agreements between partners (Ziskin and Ziskin 1973; McLean 2004; Cook 2005; Keener 2004; Klesse 2005). For example, gay nonmonogamous men establish rules in order to regulate extradyadic relations, ensure safe sex, and minimize jealousy (Blumstein and Schwartz 1983; Harry 1984; Green 2006). McLean’s (2004) research on bisexuals shows that ground rules similarly mediate sexual experiences. Regardless of sexual orientation, two of the main reasons for establishing rules and regulations are minimizing jealousy and preserving commitment between partners.
Jealousy is regarded as a mostly negative and complex emotion precipitated by the fear of an intruder’s upsetting one’s relationship with another person (Pfeiffer and Wong 1989). Although jealousy can occur among family, friends, or even colleagues, jealousy is most often thought of in the context of a romantic relationship. A major cause of jealousy is a partner’s real or suspected involvement with another partner (Hendrick 2004, 167). Further, there are differences in the ways women and men react to jealousy and in what makes them jealous (Kuhle et al. 2009). Buss et al. (1992) suggested that women become jealous when they believe a partner has been emotionally unfaithful; men become jealous when they believe a partner has been sexually unfaithful. However, DeStento et al. (2002) challenged this finding by suggesting that the way survey questions are worded will produce data on gendered differences and may not be entirely accurate. Some gender differences do occur with regard to