| Chapter 1: | Operationalizing Fidelity |
as extramarital sex, dyadic (and therefore extradyadic) relations, and cheating—is problematic. For example, polyamorists characterize their loves and intimacies in the plural, which involves using language and constructs that subvert the vocabulary of coupledom. Third, because most studies rely on mononormative approaches to research design and data analysis, it becomes difficult to recognize the intricacies of sexual and emotional multiple partnerships. Fourth, these studies invoke a framework of deviance that situates extramarital sex, infidelity, and alternatives to monogamy in terms that fail to resolve the tension between the monogamy ideal and nonmonogamous (whether covert or consensual) behavior. In other words, rather than exploring aspects, constructions, and determinants of fidelity, efforts have instead focused on what happens when people violate it.
Some previous studies do recognize what I call a continuum of fidelity. For example, Buunk (1980) proposed that extramarital behavior can range from flirtation to a long-term sexual relationship. Sometimes people approve of nonsexual extradyadic behaviors, such as going to the movies (Weis and Slosnerick 1981). Others distinguish between emotional (affairs) and sexual (cheating) engagement in extramarital relations (Sprey 1972; Atwater 1979; Spanier and Margolis 1983). Thompson (1984) purposely distinguished among three types of extramarital relationships to assess both behaviors and attitudes of extradyadic relations: (1) emotional but not sexual, (2) sexual but not emotional, and (3) emotional and sexual. Although studies like these have effectively acknowledged through methods and data analyses the distinction between sex and emotion in extramarital relations, conceptual biases remain in the literature (Blow and Hartnett 2005b). Researchers presume that sex and love are dichotomous and mutually exclusive, and few underscore the ways distinctions between sex and love pertain to negotiating fidelity in romantic relationships.