| Chapter 1: | Operationalizing Fidelity |
and does it matter whether those rules are socially institutionalized or individually established? Further, is it necessary to believe in the rules or to simply follow them? Do people break the rules, why do they break them, and what happens when rules are broken?
Relationship rules serve as a key indicator of what individuals value and expect in their intimate lives. For example, the rules of marriage emphasize loyalty, exclusivity, and faithfulness between two partners, expectations that are generally operationalized as fidelity. The rules of monogamy are essentially predicated upon the master marriage template; marriage and monogamy are, for the most part, synonymous. In fact, terms like monogamy, fidelity, commitment, and exclusivity are often used interchangeably, although their precise definitions vary. Qualities like loyalty and commitment, regardless of how they are labeled, seem to be integral, essential, and paramount within romantic relationships. Indeed, even nonmonogamy has rules that emphasize loyalty, exclusivity, and faithfulness, albeit in varied forms between multiple partners. But how can it be that both monogamous and nonmonogamous relationships have similar rules, especially given that one seems to clearly contradict the other in form and function? Can loyalty and commitment be achieved apart from dual exclusivity? Further, what is so important about fidelity that leads both monogamists and nonmonogamists to strive for, ensure, and protect it through their relationship design, execution, and negotiation?
The focus of this book is an examination of the meaning, significance, and practice of fidelity in contemporary intimate relationships. This exploration hinges on the notion that fidelity, best operationalized as the quality of being loyal or committed, is more varied, complex, and nuanced than its typical assumption of dyadic, dual exclusivity. Monogamists, nonmonogamists, and polyamorists in this research indicate that fidelity exists in all relationship forms. Further, the rules of each relationship type are key in ascertaining not only how and why fidelity matters but also how fidelity operates aside from traditional