| Chapter 1: | Operationalizing Fidelity |
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commitment in such relationships are rarely explored, in part because of the assumption that commitment entails sexual exclusivity and is utilized by those in marriage or in committed (hence sexually monogamous) situations. This study aligns commitment with fidelity, which can and does, according to the data, occur in a variety of ways for monogamists, nonmonogamists, and polyamorists.
The rules of any type of relationship, whether monogamous or nonmonogamous, are important and therefore exist for a variety of reasons. Rusbult et al. (2002, 15) suggested that because people count on rules to guide their relationships, “the breach of important relational contracts commonly results in indignation and hostile behaviors.” When the rules are broken, the result is a feeling of betrayal because there has been some sort of violation of either an implicit or an explicit norm that is relevant to the relationship. In addition, the consequences of rule infractions are as varied as the rules themselves. Most researchers have examined rule violations (cheating, infidelity, affairs) and their consequences in monogamous relationships; few have investigated what happens when nonmonogamists break the rules of their relationship(s). Further, whereas polyamory is described as responsible or ethical nonmonogamy (Anapol 1997; Easton and Lizst 1997), there is debate regarding whether polyamorists engage in secretive, nonconsensual behaviors that violate established rules and norms (Klesse 2005). Reports and accounts of such indiscretions are often concealed in an attempt to distinguish polyamory from other forms of secretive (and even consensual) nonmonogamy. Because polyamorists resist approaching both sexual and emotional exclusivity as necessities, there is an assumption that cheating or infidelity does not or cannot occur. Polyamory therefore serves as a useful lens through which to more adequately explore jealousy, commitment, and especially rules (and rule violations) among multiple partners.