The Impact of Internet Pornography on Married Women: A Psychodyna ...

As development proceeds, there is a tension that must be maintained between asserting one’s own reality and denying the reality of the other. In progressing toward this dialectic, infants must give up the fantasy of omnipotence in exchange for acknowledging the reality of the other. If a maturing individual fails to navigate this developmental step, she will be unable to engage in mutual recognition of the other and the development of a healthy self will be compromised.

According to Benjamin (1995), there is a subject-object complementarity present in the early infant / mother relationship that must eventually give way to a relationship of mutuality. The infant has to relinquish the fantasy of the mother as the all-powerful object and begin to recognize her as a person in her own right. If the mother / infant dyad is unable to manage this tension, the complementary structure continues and becomes a template for future interactions between the self and the other. However, as long as mother remains the omnipotent object, the infant is engaged in a power struggle. This omnipotent mother becomes the basis for the “dread and retaliation that inform men’s exercise of power over women” (Benjamin, 1995, p. 195). The adult relation between men and women becomes the locus of the great reversal, turning the tables on the omnipotent mother of infancy. Man becomes the dominator, while woman is in the complementary position of submission.

The relationship between self and other includes a tension between sameness and difference. No one can be truly independent of another, but individuals also need to be recognized. By recognition, Benjamin (1995) means, “the other is mentally placed in the position of a different, outside entity but shares a similar feeling or state of mind” (p.184). The infant must maintain this tension of dependence and independence. However, this can feel threatening to the developing infant as recognition, the ability to truly see the other, threatens the existence of the self. In response, the self may move toward the polarity of independence, denying one’s dependency needs, and toward domination. Splitting occurs when dependence is devalued and independence is idealized.

According to Benjamin (1988), one sees the “pure culture” (p. 52) of domination and submission in sadomasochistic fantasies andrelationships.