The Impact of Internet Pornography on Married Women: A Psychodyna ...

Submission to an idealized other is a key component of masochism. According to Benjamin (1995), Freud’s explanation of female submission and male dominance as biologically determined is too one-dimensional. She is also critical of the tendency in feminism to view the woman as victimized by male aggression. Women actually derive something from the interplay of domination / submission. Love and domination are complementary, involving the participation of both the one who has power and the one who is willing to submit to power. Benjamin (1995) believes that submission is the “desire of the dominated as well as their helpless fate” (p. 52). She takes the position that women have an internal propensity toward masochism while men have one toward sadism. “I suggest that the patterns of gender identifications and separation-individuation that arise from female parenting creates a feminine proclivity to masochism” (Benjamin, 1995, p. 461).

The domination / submission dilemma lies in the fact that women are alienated from their own sexual desire. Power for the woman does not reside in her own desire for another, but in her desirability. This desirability is based on how the culture defines what is desirable. Since the woman cannot claim her own desire, she must seek it in another. The woman searches for a powerful, idealized lover in whom she can vicariously experience desire. Benjamin’s discussion of the problem of domination and submission is pertinent to researching the experiences of women whose husbands are preoccupied with Internet pornography.

The early mother / infant relationship is the foundation for domination / submission pattern observed in men and women in western culture. Domination and submission are the result of the infant’s inability to tolerate the necessary tension between dependence and independence. In developmental progression, infants must build up a gradual and imperfect capacity for mutual recognition of the parents. This ability to recognize the other is crucial to normative development. By recognition, Benjamin (1995) means the capacity to see the other as a subject. Recognition begins with the other’s confirming response. This response informs infants that meaning has been created.