Seeing Red––A Pedagogy of Parallax: An Epistolary Bildungsroman on Artful Scholarly Inquiry
Powered By Xquantum

Seeing Red––A Pedagogy of Parallax: An Epistolary Bildungsroman o ...

Chapter 1:  East Wind Blows
Read
image Next
other out of fear of death …. This consciousness is given acknowledgement of its freedom through the submission and dependence of the other, which turns out paradoxically to be a deficient recognition in that the dominant one fails to see a reflection of itself in the subservient one. (Internet Encyclopedia of Philosophy, 2006, ¶4)

I'm taken to the high pitched taunting rhymes of my childhood. “Chinese, Japanese, money please!” I turn my head toward the sound of irritation and in slow motion hear a small rock whiz by my ear narrowly missing my cheekbone. Up above the 8-foot grey concrete wall that completely surrounds our South African home leers a White boy's face, head poking over the top. His shoulders rear up as his arm cocks back for his second pitch at me. I run for the fig tree fully aware of the squelching soft figs bursting under my bare feet. I drink the sweet intoxicating smell, ripe as I lean my cheek against the rough trunk, my heart in my mouth. I peer through the leafy branches. He is laughing, a strange scary laugh, a laugh that makes me feel so helpless. His head disappears. I know he is reloading. Should I make a dash for the house or hold out?

He is unrelenting. His rocks and stones hit the leaves and branches. Cowering behind the tree, I lift my elbow over my head to protect myself from falling fruit. Then I see my aunt wild with rage. She picks up a fair size rock and drills it squarely at the boy's forehead. He falls backward with a thud not even registering what has occurred.

I rack my brain to try to recall how I felt in that moment. Was I happy he was hit or sad he was hurt? It had never occurred to me to throw a rock back. I am shocked at the violence in my youth. Why didn't I just run into the house? What does this memory tell me? Is my will my demise? Will I continue to subject myself to