| Chapter 1: | Autobiographical Self |
In essay writing, I felt especially troubled. My English writing was noticeably aggressive and direct, by Japanese standards, and I felt as though my essays were much like propaganda essays. So to ensure that my essays did not offend anyone, and to reflect the fact that I was a Japanese woman, I changed most of my essays into a passive tense. When I write in Japanese, I have a set of vocabulary that is uniquely feminine, and so it makes it easier for me to reflect my identity. In English, this task was actually challenging, and so I had to resort to the passive tense every time I wrote. This was more suitable to a Japanese audience, and so it suited me. However, when I handed in my essays, my teachers would remark how unusual some of my writing was. I believe they felt that my writing was overly passive, and it did not suit the Western essay style that aims to convince the reader to believe or to act on something. I kept trying to dress as a Japanese woman was expected to. While other women around me in Canada wore jeans or slacks, I would always wear a skirt and high heels. Now, because I ride a bike to school, I no longer wear skirts but rather jeans, and my style has also changed from suits to casual shirts. In Japan, teachers are expected to dress in business attire; however, I am now straying further and further from that social expectation by wearing casual clothes in bright colors.
Reluctant dispute
Better dodged than met head on
Game of Hide and Seek
Arguments in general are not encouraged in Japan, and this goes doubly so for women. In Japanese, we say 
, iwanu ga hana (lit., a flower should not talk), meaning that a woman should be both beautiful and quiet. As a woman, my preference toward illogicality and contempt for arguments forced my writing to become more and more ambiguous. I believe that the application of scientific method of logical thinking for practical purposes is considered superficial by Japanese people.